


After All This Time

by cadkitten



Category: Dir en grey
Genre: Anal Sex, F/M, Fluff, Hand Jobs, M/M, Strippers & Strip Clubs
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2011-12-23
Updated: 2011-12-23
Packaged: 2017-12-05 22:53:29
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 3,988
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/728814
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/cadkitten/pseuds/cadkitten
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>I can still remember the way it all started... the exact moment when we both realized just how much our feelings had grown for one another. There really weren't any words the night we both gave in to what we realized wasn't ever going to change.</p>
            </blockquote>





	After All This Time

**Author's Note:**

  * For [gothic_hime](https://archiveofourown.org/gifts?recipient=gothic_hime).



> For the [](http://diexkyo-love.livejournal.com/profile)[**diexkyo_love**](http://diexkyo-love.livejournal.com/) Secret Santa Exchange. Fic written for [](http://gothic-hime.livejournal.com/profile)[](http://gothic-hime.livejournal.com/)**gothic_hime**  
>  Things I want to see in my fic: an interesting confession scene.  
> Beta Readers: kismekilmeluvme  
> Song[s]: " Den Lille Havfrue" by 9GOATS BLACK OUT & "Butterfly Cry" by Kerli

I can still remember the way it all started... the exact moment when we both realized just how much our feelings had grown for one another. There really weren't any words the night we both gave in to what we realized wasn't ever going to change. He came to me after a show, crushing his lips against mine, taking my breath away. It was a whirlwind of emotion and sex from there, something we both coasted on for a little over three years, feeding off one another every second that we got to do so.

The funny thing is... when it all came to an end, it wasn't a big deal. We both discussed where things were going and figured out that it was really just sex and nothing concrete. It came down to the fact that we wanted something more... we were looking for love and that wasn't something that was happening between us.

A week later, Die had packed all his things and moved out, finding his own place once again. When we parted, there weren't any tears, and there weren't any hard feelings. Everything else remained exactly as it had been before, only we knew every intimate detail of one another like the back of our own hands.

It's been three years since the day he packed up and left, and I've been through a handful of relationships trying to find something that feels right. But the truth of the matter is that no matter how hard I try, I can't find anyone who feels like him... who draws me to them the same way Die did. And lately... I've been thinking on how things have progressed between us since then.

Once we broke it off, we still kept seeing one another outside of work, but it was on a basis of friends only. He'd invite me to dinner and we'd hang out, talking and joking around for hours while we made the meals together and then ate them over a bottle of wine. We'd watch movies newly released on DVD at my place at least twice a month, just watching the movie and then parting ways at the end of a long night. Whenever we'd have to go to some stupid event, inevitably one of us would contact the other to come along.

I suppose... in a way... now that we're not actually a couple, we're better at the couple-like stuff than we ever were before. And I'm realizing it more and more every single day. Last night sort of hit me like a ton of bricks, really. We had dinner and he drank most of the wine, his lips getting a little loose as they're prone to do after that much. He told me he found this girl and he thought for certain she was right for him. Everything was domestic bliss, and he asked her to move in with him. I guess he'd hidden it from me for fear of freaking me out since we were ex-lovers and all. She'd been there for three months before he proposed to her.

The way he stopped there and the look of pure pain on his face told me everything. She'd turned him down. And in that moment, it explained everything that had been happening for the past six months or so. He'd come to me late one night, drunk as hell and hadn't even asked, just come in and crashed on my couch for the night. I'd just assumed he was too drunk to get back to his own place across town, but it became crystal clear that he'd had a drinking spree over her obvious stupidity.

Ever since then, he'd been behaving a bit... oddly. Sort of like he was always sneaking around and not being entirely truthful when he was asked personal questions. Or more... he was short with everyone, barking out answers and being all around not the Die we'd all grown to love over the years. But, in retrospect, it was more than allowed, given the situation.

As he sat there telling me about it, I found myself realizing how very upset I was that he would have come so far as to ask a girl to marry him. I was simultaneously filled with rage and searing pain. But I swallowed it down, tamped it back for a different place and a different time. Instead, I let him talk, let him tell me all about her and how much he'd cared for her and how he'd gone back and she'd been completely gone from his life. Not a trace she'd ever been there except the gifts he'd given her and the ring on the kitchen counter.

He turned those deep brown eyes on me, the very real, very emotional Die baring himself to me. And in that moment, I wanted nothing more than to cross the distance between us and soothe that pain away in every way possible. But I denied myself that, knowing if he'd moved on like that, then obviously what I'd been feeling lately, he didn't.

But now, the day after, with Die currently in my shower, I can't help but think maybe it was more that she knew something he didn't. Maybe she sensed what I have been. Every action he's put forth with me since we broke up has seemed so much like he's wooing me.

Turning over, I push my face into the pillow and close my eyes, my brain on fast forward over all the incidents. It all points to the way a boyfriend would act toward a significant other. Movies, dinner, gifts for no reason at all, nights spent just in one another's presence until he leaves to go home or I do. I turn my head and gasp in fresh air, determined to confront this all head-on now that I can see it so clearly. Sure... it's completely out of character for me to take the proverbial bull by the horns on the matters of the heart. But in this case, I'll make the exception. Because this bull has no idea he's already wearing the flag on his horns.

I push myself out of bed and go about getting dressed, pulling on jeans and a t-shirt, finger-combing my blonde hair just enough to be presentable. After all, he's hogging my bathroom, so there's only so much I can do. I get his clothing from the dryer and wait until I hear the shower shut off before I knock on the door.

Die being true to his nature, just opens the door stark naked, taking my breath away. He's nowhere near done drying off, water coursing its way down his lean body, tracing the paths I've traced a million and one times with my hands and my mouth. Words evaporate into the air and I shove his clothing at him, escaping a moment after, completely at a loss as to how to deal with how my body has decided to react to him and his perfection.

Thankfully, he takes his time with drying off and even blow dries his hair, taking enough time for me to calm down. By the time he comes to the living room, I'm stretched out on the couch, mellow enough to actually think about talking rather than fucking. He comes to sit next to me, taking the seat closer to me rather than the one furthest; another action that speaks volumes to me about how our relationship has evolved.

"Die... I have something serious I'd like to talk to you about." The words come free of my lips easily enough, but still I feel the strain inside of having to confront him like this. It's decidedly uncomfortable.

His eyes flick over to me and he tilts his head in that little way he tends to do when he's completely clueless on the reasoning for whatever's going on. "Okay. I'm listening."

I can't help but smirk a bit at him for that one. "Obviously," I tell him before shifting to pull one leg up in front of myself, my arms wrapping around it and holding on. I need the false protection it offers me right then, a way to give me strength I suppose. "So... I've been thinking a lot lately. Actually, ever since we broke up, I've been thinking." I pause, waiting on his reaction, not wanting to plunge ahead if I see any negativity whatsoever from him. But he's completely neutral, just watching me with those expressive eyes of his. "I know everything was pretty much just sex between us. But... I don't know... maybe I'm looking at it all wrong, but it's sort of seemed like ever since then... we've been working on the other part of the relationship." I take a shaky breath, but plunge onward as fast as possible, mostly afraid he'll stop me before I can express myself completely. "Dinner, movies, nights spent talking and not much else... it's sort of like... we're dating."

This time when I look up, his eyes tell me a story. They tell me he's surprised if not a little bit embarrassed. But the crease between his eyebrows speaks of turmoil and the way he shifts to cross his left leg over the right tells me of arousal. He's an open book to me and at least with that, I know I don't have to stop talking. "I don't know about you, but I know that I've missed... the closeness." Right... because apparently I needed to be eloquent about saying sex. I huff out a little sigh and my hand nervously finds my foot, rubbing over the skin there. "I was thinking... we've come so far. I feel a lot more about you now and... deeper... you know? So maybe... maybe we could try it all again?" There it was, my ultimate confession. He could either make me a very happy man or he could break me into a thousand pieces with whatever he chose to say next and I waited on it in about the same way a man waits to be shot by their murderer; with pure fear and anticipation.

He didn't answer for a long while, his face changing as he obviously puzzled through everything I'd said and tried to match it up with his own memories. When he finally did respond, he just huffed out a little laugh and shook his head. "You know... I wondered what the note meant... wondered why she thought what she did. Now I know." He shifted and pulled out his wallet, digging around and then finally handing me a small piece of folded up paper.

I opened it, the faint whiff of roses meeting my senses.

_Die,_

_I said no for a range of reasons. One being that I do not love you. Another being that you do not love me. You seem to genuinely think you do, but I can always tell you don't. What we've had has been fun and something I'll never regret. But I cannot marry you. It would all be a lie and that's unfair to everyone._

_I've returned all your expensive gifts except one. I kept the first one as a fond memory of us. As my parting gift to you, I want you to take the following words to heart._

_Look around you. Open your mind to the past and see it for what it really was. Your heart knows it, but your brain hasn't quite caught up yet. So typically you. When you figure it out, you'll surely be a much happier man for it._

_Best of wishes in the future._

I folded up the note and handed it back to him, a faint smile tugging at my lips that was uncertain to let out given that I'd just read his break-up note from the woman he'd tried to ask to marry him.

"I guess you had to open my eyes for me, huh?" he asked, sounding a bit bemused. He took the note and tossed it on the coffee table, its purpose served and over with. Turning slightly, he studied me for a long moment before his fingers came to brush over my cheek, his body creeping toward me in that manner that only Die could pull off and still look suave doing it.

I shifted in to meet him halfway, one hand coming to rest on his thigh, the emotions coursing through me completely and entirely overwhelming. "I guess so," I murmured out just before his lips sealed over mine.

It was like someone had poured lighter fluid all over us and the kiss was the flame being touched to us. No sooner did his mouth press against mine than I was alight with arousal that wasn't likely to be put out any time soon. My body burned with it, tingling everywhere he touched me. I slid onto his lap, arms wrapping around his shoulders, one hand pushing up into the hair at the base of his neck, tugging lightly as my tongue invaded his mouth.

Under me, Die groaned, his hips bucking up to meet mine, his hands all over me, never ceasing movement. I could already feel how I was affecting him and in a great many ways, it actually made me proud. Maybe a minute or so in and he was already longing for me the same way I was for him. I set that same fire to burn in his veins.

Pulling back finally, I held his head in place with my grip on his hair. I pinned him with my gaze, my voice deep and purposely sultry. "Tell me what I want to hear, Die. If you tell me those words then I'll show you the world... and you know damn well I know exactly how."

"You even have to ask?" he breathed out, for a moment his eyes expressing how hurt he was that I couldn't just take it for granted. But it was gone a moment later, just a flicker of an emotion, understanding coming a moment later. "I want to give it all a try again. And not just for the sex. I think you're right... that she was right, too. Unconsciously, I've been trying to work on all the things that split us apart."

I let him finish what he was going to say and then let go of him, sliding off his lap, holding out my hand. "My magic works better in the bedroom."

He let out a laugh, but took my hand anyway. "You're so wrong on that. Your magic works anywhere, everywhere, and all the time. Have you looked in a mirror?"

I just smirked, purposely swaying my hips to get him real riled up as I led him down the hallway and into my bedroom. With one movement, my sheets were at the foot of the bed, leaving the rest clear. "Sit. Don't take anything off yet."

He did exactly as he was asked, sitting down and nervously gripping the edge of the bed with both hands, the way a teenager would do on their first sexual experience. It almost made me want to laugh. But that was just how I made Die feel when I got in control and I knew it. Every single time, it was like he was just in pure awe.

I took the unopened box of condoms from the drawer, opening it and taking one out, laying it on the pillow and fishing the lube out from under the fluffy object, putting it on top as well. He grunted out a laugh at me and I rolled my eyes. "I like lube when I jerk it, hush."

"Hey, to each their own." He said it like lube was a novel concept and it reminded me of the few times I'd been woken in the middle of the night by his own self-love sessions and how it always smelled like hand lotion. To each their own, indeed.

Done with the necessary parts, I came to stand in front of him, slowly taking off my belt and coiling it up, putting it on the dresser and then moving to pull my t-shirt up my torso. I did everything achingly slowly, taunting him with it to the best of my ability. The garment fell to the floor and I moved to my pants, unbuttoning and then unzipping them so slowly it made him actually whine at me. "You've been too long without my body, haven't you?"

He nodded, one hand going to his crotch to grab at his dick through his clothing, the loose-fitting jeans actually allowing him to jerk off a little without even opening them. He looked a little relieved to have contact with his dick and I let him be, knowing even if he did by some miracle bring himself off like that, he'd be hard again in no time.

I pushed my jeans down my hips, giving a little twist of them and watching his movements double at the simple little motion. Stepping out of them, I pushed them aside with my foot and ran my hands down my chest and abdomen, one hand slipping all the way down to grasp my cock through my boxer briefs. Letting it go, I moved down to my balls, cupping them and kneading them a little before I pivoted around and slowly began to push my underwear off, knowing how much of an ass-man he was. I heard his zipper open and the sound of him beating off almost frantically as I bent all the way over, exposing myself to him completely. "Do you want it, Die?" I breathed out.

His response was a groan and then the sound of clothing coming off. I was going to undress him, but he was obviously too hard-up and impatient for that this time around. I wiggled around a little bit, getting the boxers off completely and intentionally taunting him with the view a while longer before I started to straighten up.

But his hands stopped me, one on the small of my back, the other slick with lube and sliding up the valley between the globes of my ass. He didn't even hesitate, pushing one finger in all the way to the hilt and making me groan, my body spasming around him. I'd missed this so very much. Die's touch and all his knowledge of my body. He knew what I could take and what I liked... the speed I could go and the places to touch to make me relax the fastest. One palm splayed over the small of my back, rubbing gently as he fucked me with his finger.

I could hear how fast his breathing was, a telltale sign of how much he was enjoying himself. "Pretend it's your dick." The words obviously set him off, because his hand moved faster, his finger crooking and finding my prostate quickly. I couldn't speak anymore, cries of pleasure clogging up my ability to do so. My dick throbbed and for a moment I thought I was going to lose it all this fast.

In truth, it had been a while for me and from the way he was going at me, it had been for him as well. My knees felt like jelly and I felt myself pitching forward a little bit. His arm wrapped around my waist and he calmed down enough to get a second finger inside my body. He kept me bent at the waist, but one leg slipped in front of me to keep me upright and he moved me in such a manner it encouraged me to use him to lean on. The warmth of his dick pressed against my side, giving me a thrill as I clung to him.

So quickly our dynamic changed. It was part of the excitement of being with Die, really. We worked so well together that nothing ever stood in our way in the bedroom. Over the years, we'd learned every little quirk and kink of the other's, some of them through experimentation and others through confession. Neither of us were ever phased by something the other wanted, just trying it out and seeing if it worked for us or not. And when it came down to it, even a quick fuck was always full of pleasure and fun.

He gave me three fingers before he decided I was well enough prepped. He slapped me on the ass and let me go, watching as I climbed onto the bed on my hands and knees, waiting with my ass in the air for him. He took the condom and the lube, gracefully making his way through the steps before he moved next to me and gently patted my butt. "Turn over. We'll do that next time."

I shifted onto my back, spreading my legs and watching him curiously. Die's favorite position was always doggy. It gave him the ability to admire my ass and control the depth much easier. He obviously had something in mind if he wasn't going straight for his favorite on this one.

He slid between my legs and maneuvered us both into position, slowly sinking in. I watched his face, the look of pure bliss that came over it as he sheathed himself inside me, and it gave me my own thrill. He looked like a man that was at home here, like this was his perfect place.

After a few moments of just enjoying himself, he shifted down over me, one arm slipping under my back and the other holding my hip as he began to thrust. His lips captured mine and I gave in willingly to the kiss, my arms coming up to cling to him. This... this was different. Something that had never been there before welled up between us, spreading through our actions, and it took my breath away. He'd wanted it like this to show me the difference and that warmed my heart.

For the longest time, we just held one another, kissing and touching while he rocked into me. It wasn't harsh and it certainly wasn't _just_ sex. No... this was what making love felt like, for certain. My leg hitched up to drape over his hip and he increased the pace, his breathing patterns telling me he was ready to work his way to release. More of the usual Die came out, his gaze pinning me as he drove into me, finding that spot that made me scream and relentlessly hitting it. His hand came to wrap around my dick, jerking me off in a rather frenzied manner.

I could feel myself tightening up the closer and closer I got and I watched the way it made him have to strain not to cum just yet. That crease came back between his eyebrows, though this one told of intense pleasure. His jaw slackened a bit and his eyes became unfocused, his thrusts a bit more uncalculated. Determined to wait it out and see him off to his end, I purposely spasmed around his dick, watching as he lost it completely. He cried out my name and a few other incoherent words as he fell over the edge, his hips jerking hard enough to slam the headboard against the wall on my Western bed. That was all it took for me, seeing him in such throes of passion and knowing it was all me that had caused it. My own end was relatively silent, cum spurting over his hand and my own belly and my hips thrusting a few times to keep the pleasure level up until I was done.

Collapsing back against the bed, I just stared up at him, a feeling of pure happiness welling up inside me. This... this was where we were meant to be. He was mine and I was on top of the world.

**The End**  



End file.
